Monday, October 15, 2012

What to do, what to do???  I have legal guardianship of one of my girls.  I would love to adopt her but at 14 she is old enough to decide.   She wants to live here with us but she chooses to stay legally in her bio family.  I understand.  She was never abused or neglected and her parents love her but they are addicts and while they clean up for a while they always seem to fall off the wagon.  She has 3 sisters and one brother.  One sister is an adult, married, kids and has a normal life. One is an adult, no kids, married but not very responsible.  And the third sister just turned 19 and gave birth to a premie baby girl about 2 weeks ago.  The baby was on life support, the mother is an addict.  They live out of state.  I called the department of children's services and with the help of her own family was able to give some info to the state so they could check on the welfare of the infant.  My girl wants me to raise this baby.  She knows I will be the only one to love her like my own no matter what and she wants this baby to be safe, fed, cared for, to have a stable enviroment.  So do I.  But I already have 8 kids at home, the state of Indiana will not allow me to adopt her.  My girl is begging me please don't let her go to strangers! What to do?? What to do??  I could take guardianship of this baby as well if the parents agree would to it.  But would they agree to it?  The father is married I think he would, the mother? I don't think so.  What to do??? What to Do???  I am nearing 53 years of age.  I already have 10 kids.  My youngest is only nearing 2.  My oldest is 33.  What to do????  What to do????
I want this baby.  But I think I will try to find her a more suitable home with younger parents first.  That's what I am going to do.  Wish me luck!    

Monday, October 8, 2012

What?? You mean there isn't an instant fix? You mean after all these years of working with her disorders there are no cures?  My balloon just POPPED!  Sigh...where do we go from here.....tears.....

Yes, I was devasted, how much longer could I endure this child's behaviors and not lose my mind.  Or worse continue losing what few friends and family members we have left.  So I set and listened as the therapist explained what was going to happen in order to get her heading in the right direction.  And the 3 times per week sessions began and at first they went well.  My daughter was getting a ton of attention, she could tell all kinds of stories, blame me, make me look like a parental monster.  At the end of every session the therapist we would discuss what my daughter would need to do as in remember to take a shower without arguing or back talking when asked.  One month went by and she would have a couple of good days and then return to her old ways.  The therapist got more determined, she got tougher, she got her.  Another month went by and things were getting worse.  And then the therapist got mad.  Yep, she got mad.  She called my daughter out and "drilled" her and until she was at the breaking point and then it happened.  "You are just like my mother!! Always making me do things I don't want to! Always saying it is my fault! You are supposed to be mad at her not me!! It's her fault not mine!! Why are you blaming me!! I thought you liked me! I will just run away and no body will get to tell me what to do!!", she screamed.  Her therapists replied, " I am NOT your mother, I am your therapist.  I will tell you it is your fault for making poor choices because you have shown me you know how to make good choices when it benefits your plan and if you choose to runaway I will call the police to go out to find you and you will return you to the hospital."  "But I didn't choose her to be my mother and it's not fair!", she screamed again.  "I understand", the therapist told her, "but you couldn't have asked for a better mom for a girl like you.  She loves you and I know you love her too."  We left that day with a better idea of our relation boundaries and knew we would have to wait it out to see if my daughter would accept it or refuse to come aboard.  It seemed to work. YAY!! After another month her visits went to twice a week and then weekly.  Now things still happened, poor choices were made but now there was no screaming, apologies were made.  Then finally we made it to the one month visits!  After 6 months of intense therapy following a hospital stay I felt like we were making progress.  My daughter still had the same poor behaviors and boundaries but accepted when I called her out on them.  All was glorious right? Wrong.  She began to slide.  Down the slippery slope she went and there was no stopping her.  What did it? Cleaning her room and her poor hygiene.  I refuse to let her out of her room, except meals, until her room was cleaned.  I had errands to run so I told her I wanted her room cleaned and her shower taken by the time I got home.  Instead she chose to run away.  Again. And she took her therapist and me at our words to call the police if she ran away by walking the 10 miles to the police station and report herself as a runaway!!  Yes. She. Did.

To be continued...again.....

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

It has been pretty tough around here for more than a week.  My 14 year old daughter that has RAD, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, Emotional Disorder, Behavioral Disorder, PTSD has been on the rampage? On my last nerve? Acting out? Puberty? Drama Queen? Attention seeking? Angry? Hateful? Defiant? Really the whole brew of possibilities thrown together along with the normal teenager attitude!!!!!!  I am beginning to think we may have to add Bi-Polar to her long list of issues this poor girl has.  It is very tough to be a parent to a child like her.  It makes you question your parenting skills, your emotional value and if your are destroying the few "normal" children you have.  I have seen some of them seeking attention using the same poor choices as their older sister and it breaks my heart. 

I had been homeschooling her for a couple of years due to her inability to seperate reality and maintain appropriate boundaries.  It was very hard keeping her home 24/7 never being apart, being combative nearly everyday to complete work.  She began to run away if I grounded her, if I took away a priviledge, if I became upset over her poor choices, if I sided with one of her siblings, when she got caught hoarding food, when I told her she had to clean her get the drift.

It got so bad that she finally began making claims of hurting herself and actually began digging into her arms and neck with her fingernails.  We had to admit her to the hospital for what we thought would be a couple of days.  Or so they said.  On the 8th day we were finally allowed to come and get her and had to go directly to a new therapist.  So off to the therapist we go. Well that opened a whole new pandora's box! The RAD really set me up to take a pounding as her parent but was I lucky.  This Therapist GOT IT!!! She really understood this type of RAD, she knew how to get into my daughter's world and began making her feel the repercussion of her actions!! HOORAY!! After 6 years and multiple therapist I finally found one that can help!! 

To be continued......